Disclaimer #1: As is oft the case, I point judicious readers to our ubiquitous confessional “Why I can’t be trusted“. But still, observe:

Gumbos are like unicorns, all alike, but no two exactly alike. There’s a sort of conventional gumbo wisdom that says you need a few common things, but that you are allowed–nay, expected–to play, to invent, to take ownership of your particular gumbo. These things are:

The Southern Soup Holy Trinity: Onion, celery, and green bell pepper. The standard trinity uses carrots instead of peppers.

Okra: Okra.

Roux: This is usually a 1:1 mix of flour and fat (butter, oil, shortening, bacon grease, etc). A gumbo is supposed to be somewhere between a soup and a stew. I find that the natural emulsifier in okra thickens the gumbo to the almost-stew stage on its own, so I ditched the roux in this version. A more authentic version would probably keep the roux and up the stock and/or water.

Meats: These are usually sausage, chicken, and shrimp. We used our tempeh soysage and Joanna/Jennifer’s Seitan Chik’n.

Seasoning: These include cajun spice and gumbo file (fee-lay) powder among others. You can buy a premade cajun spice or make your own. Gumbo file is made from ground sassafras root, sometimes with ground thyme as well. The gumbo file may be a little hard to track down. Our local coop had it (so any place with a good selection of Frontier brand spices). You can also look for ground sassafras.

Tomatoes: Tomatoes.

Disclaimer #2: I fully expect Jennifer from Scrumpdilly to correct me if any/all of this is wrong. She’s actually from Louisiana. She’s made gumbo before. I’ve eaten it. There’s no recipe. Real Southerners keep their gumbo recipes in lead-lined wooden boxes, buried beneath their homes, guarded by raccoons. Fact.

Gumbo

• 1 lb okra, cut into disks
• 1 lb tempeh soysage
• 3 seitan chik’n cutlets, cut into strips
• 1 large white onion, diced
• 2 small – medium stalks celery, diced
• 1 large green bell pepper, seeded and diced
• 2 cups veggie broth
• 2 cups water
• 4 cups tomatoes, with juice (1 large can)
• 1 tsp cayenne
• 4 tsp cajun spice
• 2 tsp gumbo file powder

As with most soups, you’ll want to start by sauteing the onion, pepper, and celery in a large pot over medium heat. When they start to soften, add in the soysage and chik’n strips, browning lightly. Add in the broth, water, tomatoes, spices, and okra, in that order. Bring to a light boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 30 minutes or (better) longer.

Serve on its own, over rice, and/or with Vegan Dad’s Cajun Chickpea Cakes.

So this is actually a recipe for Hoppin’ John, but it’s so frighteningly real, you’ll jump back with terror.

I should note in advance that I’ve never actually had non-vegan Hoppin’ John. I do know, however, that it’s usually made with ham. This version uses homemade fakin’ to reproduce (with frightening accuracy) that “hammy” quality. But in a good way. Not the gross way.

Jumpin’ John

• 1 medium-sized yellow onion, diced
• 1 medium-sized tomato, diced
• 1 rib of celery, diced
• 1 medium-sized green bell pepper, diced (optional)
• 4 cups cooked–or 2 cans–of black-eyed peas
• 4 strips of fakin, cut into smallish pieces
• 1 cup long grain brown rice (I used brown basmati)
• 2 cups veggie stock
• 2 tsp thyme (or 4 large sprigs)
• 1.5 tsp paprika
• 1/2 – 1 tbsp liquid smoke
• 2 tbsp soy sauce (or gluten-free tamari)
• salt and pepper to taste

First things first, let’s start that brown rice in the veggie stock–pour the rice and stock into a medium saucepan and heat on high until boiling. Reduce heat and cover. Brown rices take 4-eva.

Now, with that out of the way, let us, you and I, sautee the onion, celery, and green pepper (if using) in a medium to large-ish pot, over medium heat. Wonderful. In the meantime, I think it would be splendid to fry up some fakin. Don’t you? Yes! Let’s.

I had leftover fakin from Tofu MarkMuffins, which doesn’t save terribly well anyway (it starts to get crumbly within a week or so, unless you freeze it). Additionally, you will most likely have a fair amount of tofu fakin crumblins. These perform like a true champeen in this dish. You will also likely have leftover fakin juice, which will work like a sweatshop laborer to make this dish as tasty as possible. In this event, you will not need the soy sauce and Liquid Smoke.

Barring the use of homemade fakin, you might find it convenient and/or enjoyable to use a store-bought variety. In this event you will most like want to “ham” things up by adding the afore-mentioned soy sauce and Liquid Smoke.

But I digress. The fakin should be in small pieces and should be fried lightly in a frying pan over medium heat, in the cooking oil of your choice. You just want it cooked, not crispy. This isn’t Bone-Crunching John.

While the fakin is cooking and once the onions are soft, add in the diced tomato, then the spices, mixing well. Now add in the black-eyed peas.

When the fakin is done, add it to the mix.

When the rice is done, add that too.

Salt and pepper to your smallest of heart’s content.