On Sunday my most excellent residency hosts, Krista and Zak (at the Philadelphia Art Hotel) hosted the other resident, Jessica, and I for brunch.  It was super thoughtful of them to make a batch of Swedish pancakes just for me (the only vegan).  I provided applesauce as an egg replacer (1 tbsp as = 1 egg).  Because they are cooked in a griddle, the applesauce didn’t bind quite the way their batch did with the egg, but it did work, and they tasted amazing, as you can see from the photo.  I promise there are pancakes under all of that goodness.

Here’s the recipe Krista followed for about five pancakes:

Vegan Swedish Pancakes

• 2 tbsp applesauce
• 2.5 cups soymilk
• 1 cup flour
• Earth Balance (TM) for cookin’ and slatherin’

Whisk applesauce, soymilk and flour together until a bit runnier than “normal” pancake batter.  Pour a bit into a hot pan freshly dolloped with Earth Balance (TM) and swirl the batter in the bottom of the pan to make a thin, even coat.  Allow to cook until a bit less shiny on top and flip with a spatula.  Once finished, use the spatula to fold the pancake into quarters and pop onto a plate in a warm oven.  Repeat until you have a stack of yummy pancakes.

We served ours with more EB, powdered sugar, blackberry sauce, and fresh strawberries, blueberries and chopped white peaches.

Let us know if you have a go-to Swedish Pancake recipe, or have other ideas on how to veganize this one.  Maybe next time we’ll try ground flax + water.

My sincere apologies to readers who visit IV for recipes. It’s been a bit scant lately, because of all the “arts & culture” posts. But think of it this way, if they ever release Trivial Pursuit: Vegan Edition, you’ll be golden. The pink/brown pie will be yours!

Whoa…that sounded kinda gross.

With Amy gone in Reykjavik, it’s time to nestle in for a few weeks of solo-cookin’! Unlike the usual “Mark finds weird-and-occasionally-delicious things to do with leftovers” posts you’ve come to know and love, for the next few weeks I’m going to try to focus more on menu/lifestyle. This is because (a) we ate all of the leftovers before we left, so nothing would go bad and (b) as a culinary dynamic duo, we frequently neglect the often-disparate experience of cooking for yourself. I generally find I’m more inventive and am willing to put more time into a meal I’m making for other people. While I certainly love to eat, I also like to help other people love to eat. The more people, the more time and energy I’ll typically spend. But by myself, it’s easy to get into a pattern of making a giant meal every several nights and just living mindlessly on leftovers.

So, since getting back, I’ve been trying to cook more frequently, but to make quicker, easier dishes. So here’s the rundown:

Night 1

I got home from work and started pressure cooking 2 cups of chick peas. I let them cook for 45 minutes while I took care of other biz, and then proceeded to cheat by going over to Amy’s brother Joe’s place and eating his culinary masterpiece, Spicy Ramen (I will post this soon! You shall wait with baited breath.). I did bring over some fresh local broccoli and tempeh to round out the ramen (it’s especially awesome with seitan chik’n). And, with very little effort, I cooked up a mess of chick peas (more on this shortly).

Night 2

I made hummus with 2/3 of the chick peas, and saved the rest on the chick pea water. I also whipped up a batch of smoky tempeh and made smoky tempeh hummus wraps, including lettuce from our garden.

Night 3

Using the remaining chick peas and some tomatoes that were on the verge of going bad, I made a chick pea, tomato, and quinoa dish. I just cooked 1.5 cups of quinoa in veggie stock, then added the chick peas and tomatoes, salt and pepper to taste, then garnished with sunflower seeds and almond slivers for a little crunch and pizazz. I told you I learned something from that last Reykjavik supper. I served it (to myself, of course) with steamed sesame kale–from our garden! Huzzah!

Brunch 4 (and 5)

I made the world’s most standard tofu scramble for brunch (well, I did add in poblano pepper that was starting to resemble a gigantic raisin), knowing that this would provide me a good 3 meals. 1 and 2, down.

Night 4

As many of you know, it’s asparagus season, so I’ve been cooking the hell out of some asparagus recently. I feel like I missed a week, and now I have to make it up (I don’t know what this is going to mean for strawberries…). In keeping with my recent Keep It Simple approach, I just sauteed a head of garlic in olive oil, then tossed in some chopped asparagus and cooked briefly, then covered. I boiled up some noodles, then tossed the noodles, asparagus, and garlic in more olive oil and tossed in fresh chives, oregano, and thyme from the garden, along with a few dashes of crushed red pepper (and salt & pepper, to taste, of course).

Night 5

We made chick patties about a month back, and did a double batch and froze the rest. Sunday was the ideal kind of day to pop one on the grill along with more asparagus (brush both the grill and asparagus in a little oil–I used a blend of olive of sesame oil). This took almost zero effort to make–and was all made from fresh local ingredients. Thank you past self!

Night 6

Remember the hummus from earlier? Remember the smoky tempeh? The lettuce from our garden? Well, it’s been 4 days, so it was time to enjoy another wrap. I’ve also got a stash of local broccoli and tortilla chips, should the wrap prove insufficient and the hummus too tempting.

The moral of the story, my friends, is that all of this has been really easy to prepare, healthy, and satisfying. I don’t feel like I’ve been “bogged down” by cooking (though it’s pretty unlikely that I’d ever feel that way), but also feel that I’ve eaten relatively well without having to rely on any pre-made (except by me) or processed foods.

Stay tuned!

We have attended many a brunch in the last couple of years- vegan and otherwise.  At almost every brunch, our friends Abigail and Steven descend with their heavenly looking (and smelling) waffles, but alas, they contain milk, eggs and butter.  They kindly gave us the recipe and this last Sunday they debuted in the IV kitchen in all of their veganized glory.  Behold:

So, the MAJOR trick to getting these waffles right is to really get to know your waffle iron, and to pre-plan, since they need to be started the night before.  Mark spent a lot of time testing time and heat settings to get the perfect level of finish (ratio of crispness to doneness).  I was not at all sad to be the taste tester for this process as I whipped up the quiche.   Truth be told, the waffles in the photo are the teensiest bit underdone, but were wonderful with Earth Balance ™ and real maple syrup none-the-less.  So, we suggest practicing these with your waffle iron on some long morning where you can experiment, before you unveil them at a brunch.  I think his best efforts occurred somewhere in the middle of the testing.  Since the only other folks present for this brunch were my mom and brother, we bought their patience with bites of hot waffle goodness.  Here goes nothin’:

Abigail and Steven Waffles: Veganized!

• 2 1/4 cups milk of your choice (warmed)- we went with unsweetened soy milk.  I bet vanilla soy would be good!
• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 1 tbsp yeast
• 8 tbsp buttery spread (melted)- we use Earth Balance ™
• 1/4 cup water (warm)
• two egg substitutes- we used Energ Egg Replacer ™ (follow the directions on the box), but next time we may try apple sauce, one tbsp per egg
• 1/8 tsp baking soda

The night before:

Dissolve yeast in warm water in a large-ish mixing bowl (it should be able to fit into your fridge).  Add milk, flour and melted butter.  Mix.  Cover and refrigerate overnight.

*Tip from Abigail: Set the bowl onto a cookie sheet or tray in case the yeast causes the batter to overflow in your fridge (it did in our case and we were happy for the tip!).

The morning of:

Beat egg replacer and baking soda into batter.  Follow the directions on your waffle iron at first, and if those don’t cut it, experiment as mentioned above until you have golden brown waffles of glory!

Thanks Abigail and Steven!

We served the waffles with this wonderful quiche, but this time I substituted a huge handful of chopped baby spinach (in season!) for the rainbow chard, since we had the one and not the other.  My very non-vegan mom and brother ate everything up and loved it!  Victory!

So, everybody loves breakfast for dinner, right? Like when you were 8 and you got to have Fruity Pebbles ™ for dinner?

Well, this is like that–but the opposite! It’s about taking regular dinner-y foods, and converting them into something palatable for breakfast. So, we’re not talking about firing up the grill at 7am and cooking up a black bean burger; we’re talking about the breakfast burrito–with which you’re probably already acquainted–which consists of a tofu scramble, soysage, and potatoes, all wrapped up in a lightly toasted tortilla, and the breakfast pizza–a delicious new treat–which consists of a toasted pita, topped with the same tofu scramble, soysage, and potatoes, but with the addition of pinto poblano/refried beans & chilis.

Truth be told, I’m not sure what relegates these to breakfast. The tofu in your scramble is the same as the tofu in your stir fry. We’ve used tempeh/tvp soysage/soyrizo in soups and all manner of Mexican delights. So what makes this any different?

Thusly, you have our blessing to indulge in dinner for breakfast for dinner.

For both recipes, you will need the following scramble:

Dinner-for-Breakfast Scramble

• 1 batch of tempeh soysage (or the same recipe, using 1 cup dried TVP, rehydrated in 3/4 – 1 cup water)
• 1 lb of extra firm tofu, drained
• 3 medium-sized red potatoes, cut into small cubes
• 1 medium – large yellow or white onion, diced
• 2 – 4 cloves of garlic, minced (optional)

Prepare the tempeh/tvp soysage as instructed in the above link, and let sit, allowing the flavor to soak in. In a large pan, saute the onions in oil over medium heat, until they start to get tender. Add in the soysage and cook until the soysage starts to brown on one side. Crumble in the tofu and add in the potatoes, stirring well. Cook for about 5 minutes, then lower heat to medium-low and cover, stirring occasionally. Cook until the potatoes are tender.

Breakast Burrito

• dinner-for-breakfast scramble
• 6 – 8 tortillas (or however many you plan on eating–but this should fill 6 – 8 )

In a toaster over or frying pan, lightly toast a tortilla (you want it warm, but not crispy). Generously fill with the above scramble. Top with salsa, if available. Roll up then eat up. Outstanding!

Breakfast Pizza

• dinner-for-breakfast scramble
• 6 pitas (same as above, my friend)
• olive oil OR Earth Balance ™
• ~ 2 tsp dried thyme
• 2 cups pinto poblano soup OR
  • 2 cups (1 can) cooked refried beans
  • 1 4 oz can of diced green chilis
  • 1/2 poblano or green bell pepper, diced
  • 1/2 tsp chili powder
  • 1/2 tsp smoked chili powder
  • 1/4 tsp oregano
  • 1/4 tsp ground cumin

Prepare the scramble as directed above. If you don’t have pinto poblano soup on hand, add the pepper and chilis in with the onions. When the scramble is ready, mix in either the pinto poblano or the refried beans and spices. Continue heating until it’s heated through and through.

Meanwhile, prepare your pitas. If you don’t have a toaster oven, preheat your over to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Lightly brush the pitas with olive oil or slather them with Earth Balance (we used Earth Balance), then sprinkle them generously with dried thyme. Bake in the (toaster) oven until they just start to brown.

Remove them from the oven, then allow them to cool for a few minutes. Dollop the bean-y scramble on them and spread. You can serve these with a fork and knife, or cut them up in advance, pizza-style. Using the latter method, these would make a great brunch treat. Phenomenal!

Mark agreed to do the dreaded task of mulling through the taxes today, so I wanted to take good care of him and feed him well all day.  For some reason, I feel like having breakfast cooked for you is one of the most comforting acts someone can perform, so I declared it breakfast day and decided to make a couple of different breakfasts throughout the day.  I decided to indulge and make some pancakes for actual morning-time breakfast.  I adapted this recipe from Vegweb.

Buttermilk Pancakes (emphasis on butter)

On Vegweb, this recipe called for Egg Replacer and oil in the pancakes.  I like a buttery taste, and use Egg Replacer as seldom as possible, so I substituted apple sauce for the egg and melted Earth Balance ™ for the oil.  To make the pancakes fluffier, I used a little apple cider vinegar to curdle the soymilk and make buttermilk.

• 1 cup white all purpose flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 tbsp apple sauce (we use apple cinnamon flavor)
• 1 cup soymilk
• 1/4 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons melted Earth Balance ™ plus more for cooking

Mix wet ingredients in a medium sized bowl.  Mix dry ingredients in a larger bowl. Pour wet ingredients into dry – mix well until smooth consistency.

Dollop some batter onto medium heat (preheated) pan with a pat of Earth Balance ™ melted into it. Flip over when each pancake begins to bubble on top and goes from shiny to matte.

Serve with toping of your choice- ours is more Earth Balance ™ and piping hot real maple syrup.

Yum-er-oo!

Rainbow Chard Tofu Quiche

The other day we were at our local coop and saw a beautiful bunch of rainbow chard, which we had never really worked with before.  A recipe from the latest (March/April 2010) issue of VegNews involving chard came to mind and we snapped it up.  Having declared today breakfast day, I decided a yummy quiche should be our dinner and busted out the VegNews.  Now you recall the great quiche-off of 2009.  I was never hot on either of those quiches.  I think it’s because we tried to get all cheesey with them, when this quiche is perfect without any kind of cheese substitute.  This one is also so much “eggier” somehow- fluffier, not pastey like the other two.  At any rate, here it is, re-written by us here for you, and adapted a tiny bit based on the ingredients we had on hand.

First make the Basic Flakey Pie Crust:

(the recipe calls for shortening, but I didn’t have any, so used our friend Earth Balance ™ instead and upped the amount to increase the fat content)

• 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 3/4 cup cold Earth Balance ™ (the recipe calls for 1/2 cup of vegetable shortening)
• 1/4 to 1/3 cup of very cold water

In a large bowl, mix together flour and salt.  Slowly cut Earth Balance ™ into flour mixture, until you are left with pea-sized balls of flour-butter mixture.  Drizzle a tiny amount of the water over the mixture and gently work it in, first stirring, then moving into kneading when it seems solid enough.  Repeat with water until a firm, slightly sticky ball of dough has formed.  Wrap dough in a large sheet of wax paper and refrigerate for an hour.

Spred out wax paper on your countertop (I used a rolling mat so the paper wouldn’t slip).  Lightly flour your rolling pin and gently roll out dough, working from the center outward until dough is 1/4 inch thick.

Picking up the wax paper, carefully flip the dough over and lay evenly onto a pie plate. Tear off pieces of excess dough and patch any holes uneven areas around the edges. Fill with quiche filling and bake according to directions below.

Rainbow Chard Tofu Quiche (filling and baking directions)

• 1 lb. firm tofu, drained
• 1/3 cup unsweetened soymilk
• 1 tbsp safflower oil (the recipe calls for olive oil)
• 5 cloves garlic, minced (the recipe calls for 2)
• 1 medium yellow onion, peeled and diced
• 1 tsp salt (the recipe calls for 1/2 tsp)
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1/2 tsp turmeric
• a few cranks of pepper from a pepper mill (the recipe calls for 1/8 tsp)
• 1 medium-sized bunch of rainbow chard (the recipe calls for a large bunch of red chard) leaves thinly sliced and stems finely diced
• 1 Basic Flakey Pie Crust

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a food processor blend the tofu and soymilk until smooth and set aside.

In a saute pan, heat safflower oil over medium-high heat.  Add garlic, onion and salt and cook for several minutes until onions are translucent.  Add oregano, turmeric, pepper, and chard.  Cook until chard leaves are bright green and stems have softened.  Turn off heat and fold into tofu mixture.  The recipe doesn’t specify, but I would taste the mixture at this point and add salt and/or pepper to taste.

Pour mixture into prepared uncooked pie crust, spreading smoothly and evenly.  Bake for 25 minutes, remove from oven, drizzle top with a touch of oil, rotate and place back into oven for 20 more minutes for a total 45 minutes of cooking time (or until crust is golden brown).  Let cool and eat up!

This is our new go-to quiche recipe!

We served the quiche with a little fruit salad of apples and clementines and mimosas to celebrate the completion of taxes (with a nice little return) for yet another year!

As a side note, even though we still have a bit of winter left here in Michigan, our seedlings for our garden are growing up up up!  We spent the after-dinner hours transplanting the lettuce, kale and tomatoes into larger pots so they can grow big and strong.  Behold:

No, this is not a hilarious dance performed by the natives to this continent–it’s a tofu scramble made with local ingredients, namely wild rice and acorn squash. I like to imagine this as the Thanksgiving Breakfast, pilgrims and natives alike feasting cruelty-free on tofu and native crops. No one gave anyone smallpox and everyone lived happily ever after. The end. Manifest Destiny only required that the food was delicious.

We made this for a brunch this morning (well, this afternoon). This being the Year of the Brunch, it’s been a real challenge to make a sufficient variety of breakfast foods without (a) repeating ourselves and (b) overlapping with what others are making. Remember that brunch where you all made potatoes?

This was inspired by a scramble we had some time back at Seva, a local vegetarian restaurant. It’s a little labor intensive for your usual breakfast, so it’s more ideal for a brunch-type scenario. Accordingly, this recipe is for a double batch–so be sure to halve everything if you’re only feeding a few people and/or don’t want a ton of leftovers.

Indigenous Scramble

• 2 medium-sized white onions, diced
• 2 lbs of tofu, drained
• 1/2 medium – large acorn squash
• 1 cup (uncooked) wild rice
• 2 cups water
• 1/3 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 2 tsp herbs d’provence
• salt & pepper, to taste
• high heat cooking oil

Preheat your over to 425 degrees Fahrenheit. Cut the acorn squash in half and place on baking sheet in a small drizzle of high heat cooking oil (like Safflower). Bake for 30 – 40 minutes, until you can remove the skin, but the squash is still solid enough to cut into pieces. Don’t worry too much about overcooking it–it’ll still be awesome, but you’ll lose a little something in texture.

Meanwhile, in a medium-sized saucepan, heat 1 tbsp cooking oil over high heat. Add in the wild rice, tossing, and cook for about 3 minutes. Add in the water, bring to boil, then reduce heat and cover, cooking until the water is gone and the rice is done.

Meanmeanwhile, saute the onion in oil in a large pot over medium heat. Once the onions are soft, add in the tofu, crumbling. Now add in the nu yeast and the turmeric. When the squash is done, peel the skin off and cut it into bite-sized pieces. Add it to the tofu. When the rice is done, add that too, Finally, add in the spices, salt, and pepper. Mix it up. Eat it up.

Potato pancakes have always been something of a mystery to me. I think I always just assumed they were like regular pancakes, but made with some sort of potato flour…maybe a bit less sweet? For people with gluten allergies? It all stems back to my childhood. In my home town, there’s a restaurant called The Potato Shack (of little interest to a 10 year old boy in the 80s), which I would often confuse with Radio Shack (of great interest to a 10 year old boy in the 80s), and consequently found to be a big letdown. So, it stands to reason that potato pancakes would also be a big letdown.

Not so, not so.

They’re much less like pancakes than hashbrowns in delicious cake form.

And they’re pretty simple to make.

Potato Pancakes

• 5 medium-sized russet potatoes
• 1 large white onion, peeled
• non-sweet replacement for two eggs (Energ-G(tm), ground flaxseed, etc)
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• salt and pepper, to taste

Grate the onion and potatoes into a large bowl. Mix them. Then, mix in the remaining ingredients. The consistency should be paste-like–you can add flour or water to control this in either direction.

Heat oil or Earth Balance in a frying pan over medium heat, and dollop in some “batter”. When the bottom is brown, flip. The pancake, not you. Well, I guess if you can flip, now would be an excellent time. Do a flip both before and after flipping the pancake. And then again before serving, if possible. The pancake is done when both sides are brown (golden brown will produce a softer pancake, darker brown, a more crispy pancake–I prefer the crispier/darker).

What makes or breaks potato pancakes, though, is what you serve them with.

We have served these with applesauce and cashew cream (traditionally, potato latkes are served with applesauce and/or sour cream). I thought they were stellar with the cashew cream.

This time around, we served them with the leftover filling from our momelette–sauteed onions, peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes.

So what makes this a “momelette” instead of an “omelette”?

The letter ‘M’.

I give this 9 points for looking awesome, 8 points for tasting awesome, and 6 points for being kind of like a traditional egg momelette, or “omelette”, if you will.

We modified this recipe from VegWeb.

Tofu Momelette

• 1 lb extra firm tofu, drained and shredded into long strands
• 1 small – medium white onion, diced
• ~ 6 medium-size mushrooms (optional), diced
• 1 small – medium green bell pepper, diced
• 1 small tomato, seeded and diced
• 1 clove of garlic, pressed or grated
• 1/8 tsp turmeric
• 1 tbsp nu yeast
• salt and pepper, to taste
• Earth Balance(tm)

The interesting part of this recipe–the key to it, you might say–is using a cheese shredder to shred the tofu into long strands (use large-holed face/shredder). This makes it pretty malleable, but not so crumbly that it’s just a scramble. A smaller–but no less crucial–key is to cook the vegetables separately.

So.

In a large non-stick (or well-seasoned) pan, melt enough Earth Balance to lightly cover the bottom of the pan over medium heat. Don’t front like regular oil is gonna get you out of this one. This is much better with Earth Balance. Next, pack down enough shredded tofu to make a solid circle, as big around as you’d like your momelette to be (ideally, use half–then you get two momelettes). It shouldn’t be loose like hash browns. Cook on this side until the bottom starts to brown–this took at least 10 minutes on our stove.

Meanwhile, in a different pan, but also over medium heat, sautee the veggies (and mushrooms, if using) until they are soft. You may use oil here if you wish.

When the time is right, flip the momelette. Let it cook for about 5 minutes, then spread half of the veggies on one half of the momelette. Fold the non-veggie-fied half onto the veggie-fied half. Cook for a few minutes, just for good measure then flip and cook for a few more.

Serve with ketchup, catsup, or salsa.

It was the best of quiches, it was the…well, I guess, okay, of quiches?

Here’s the gimmick: one quiche is almost entirely from scratch, the other is almost entirely from pre-packaged ingredients. In the battle of the century, which will win?! Sundaysundaysunday! Be there!

(Genius battle plan devised by Amy)

Obviously, we were pulling for from-scratch, as we try to keep our consumption of packaged/processed foods to a minimum.

Pre-packaged ingredients on the left; fresh, local, organic ingredients on the right

We unveiled these bastages at yet another brunch (this summer’s been lousy with the things)–to mostly omnivores, served alongside a “real” quiche. About half of each was eaten, which isn’t half bad given the competition, but isn’t as good as being inhaled within minutes.

The consensus, ultimately, was that the more homemade-y variety was superior, though the soysage in the faux-ass quiche was much better then the tempeh crumbles that I invented (poorly) for this recipe. Additionally, even though I took precautions against it (by using 1 block of non-silken tofu), neither quiche ended up as springy as a “real” quiche. Amy likes to think of these as “breakfast pies”. To me, that sounds a lot like “breakfast failures”.

So color this a “work-in-progress“. Consider some improvements below!

L’ Quiche au Naturale

Filling

• 1 lb extra firm tofu
• 1 pkg extra firm silken tofu*
• 1.5 – 2 cups chopped kale or spinach**
• 1/2 large white onion, diced
• 1/3 large green bell pepper, diced
• 1 tbsp tahini
• 1 tbsp white miso
• 1/4 cup nu yeast
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 cup faux milk beverage (preferably, unsweetened)
• 1.5 tsp arrow root powder
• tempeh sausage crumbles
• faux-made cheez

Tempeh Sausage Crumbles

• 1 pkg or a 5″ x 3″ x 1/2″ block tempeh***
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1.5 tbsp soy sauce/tamari/shoyu
• 1 tbsp liquid smoke(tm)
• salt and pepper (lots of pepper), to taste

Faux-Made Cheez (nabbed [and modified slightly] from Scrumpdilly)

• 2 cups water
• 1/4 cup raw cashews
• 1 cup nutritional yeast flakes
• 2 Tbsp. cornstarch
• 1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice
• 1 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. onion powder
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp. cumin

Crust (I know, this shit is getting ridiculous. That’s what being awesome means.)

• 2.5 cups of all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp sugar
• 1/2 cup ice-cold water

* As far as I know, this only comes in packages. Fuck. Being good is so hard.
** Whatever is available locally. Kale seems easier to find in our neck of the woods.
*** Our local coop sells locally made tempeh in bulk. This is in Ypsilanti, MI. You can find this. If you can’t, use homemade seitan.

Directions

Crust

Sift 2.5 cups of unbleached all-purpose flour into a large mixing bowl. Cut in (with two battling butter knives) 1/2 cup butter or shortening (Earth Balance makes both). You want the mixture to form large crumbs. You may need up to an additional 1/2 cup of butter or shortening–but take it easy. You want crumbs, not giant shortening boogers. Once you’ve got this crumb-ified, add in 1/4 cup of ice water, a little at a time until all the crumbs are sticking together. You want this just wet enough. Knead the dough into a big ball then separate into two smaller balls. Put this in an airtight-ish reusable plastic bag or plastic wrap. Refrigerate at least four hours. Then roll and rock, in that order. Easy!

Tempeh Sausage Crumbles

Chop tempeh into crumbles. I’ve documented this ad nauseum in the biscuits and gravy post.  In a large pan, brown the tempeh over medium heat in soy sauce/tamari/shoyu and liquid smoke, tossing in remaining ingredients once the tempeh is coated. Cook until nice and brown. Fantastic. You are a champion.

Cheez

Follow Jennifer’s recipe, sans pimiento and jalapeno.

Filling

In a medium-sized pan, over medium heat, sautee the onion, garlic, and green pepper until soft. Combine the water and arrow root powder. In a food processor, or Vitamix(tm) if you won the lottery, blend all of the filling ingredients except the kale and sautee-fixins, along with the arrow-root-water. In a large bowl, combine the sautee-fixins, the kale, the tempeh sausage crumbles, and the filling. You may want to save a few tempeh crumblins to sprinkle on top of the quiche.

Finally

Pour the filling into the crust. Drizzle faux-made cheez (and crumblins if you saved any) on top of the filling. Bake for about 45 minutes at 375 degrees. Tada!

L’ Quiche au Faux

• 1 lb extra firm tofu (packaged and sealed [oooh! Go with Whitewave(tm), they're total bastards!])
• 1 pkg extra firm silken tofu(Mori-nu(tm))
• 1.5 – 2 cups chopped store-bought, bagged or boxed spinach (go with the box, that’s really offensive–fuck you nature!)
• 1/2 large white onion, diced (I think some places you can buy this pre-packaged)
• 1/3 large green bell pepper, diced (you’re gonna have to do this yourself…maybe you can put some cans in the garbage to offset the positive effect?)
• 2 tsp salt (is it still possible to get pre-Gandhi British tax-oppression salt? If so, use that.)
• 1/2 soysage log (Litelife(tm))
• 1/2 block of cheddar or nacho cheese (Follow Your Heart(tm))
• 1/2 block of mozzarella cheese (Follow Your Heart(tm))
• 1/4 cup faux milk beverage (preferably, Silk(tm), oh, where to start…)
• 1.5 tsp arrow root powder (sorry, arrow root powder is totally awesome!)

Directions:

In a medium-sized pan, over medium heat, sautee the onion, garlic, and green pepper until soft. In a different medium-sized pan, over medium heat, sautee the processed soysage. Use a spatula to mash it into largish bits.

Combine the water and arrow root powder. In a food processor, blend all of the filling ingredients except the spinach, soysage, and enough faux cheese to sprinkle on top, along with the arrow-root-water. In a large bowl, combine the soysage, spinach, and the filling. You may want to save some soysage crumblins to sprinkle on top of the quiche.

Pop the filling into your convenient store-bought crust, sprinkle on some processed soy cheese and soysage, and bake that badboy for about 45 minutes at 375 degrees Fahrenheit or 463.555 degrees Kelvin.

Au Naturale on the left, Au Faux on the right

Possible Improvements to Au Naturale

• Use seitan instead of tempeh; this will improve the taste and will work better as larger chunks
• Use VeganYumYum’s cheese from the Mac & Cheez instead of Scrumpdilly’s nacho sauce (which is great, but not really suited to this)
• add broccoli (duh! what was I thinking?)
• tone down the salt (I know, I know, hard to believe I could ever say such a thing)
• add in something “bready”–bread crumbs, bread makings, anything to make this a little lighter–more like a bake and less like a pie

With no end to brunches in sight, I’m sure I’ll come back to this at some point. In the meantime, I’d welcome any comments/suggestions/anti-quiche hatemail.

And for the record, the Nip is all about the natural:

Due to recent advances in brunch frequency technology, this summer’s been a veritable brunchfest. For the triple-T brunch, we made a Southwest Scrapple. Yes. Scrapple. Not “scramble”. I decided this was a scrapple because it features not only tofu, but tempeh as well. But also because it felt like a scrapple. I didn’t even really know what scrapple is.

Well, it turns out scrapple is like a breakfast meatloaf made of congealed pig scraps and various flours. Sounds like just the kind of thing worth emulating. I’d sooner eat my words than crapple, so “scramble” it is.

Southwest Scramble

• 1 onion, peeled and diced
• 1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
• 1 small can of diced mild green chilis
• 1 cup cooked or 1/2 can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 lb tofu, drained
• 1 package tempeh, cut irregularly
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 tbsp chili powder
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 4 tbsp nu yeast
• salt and pepper to taste

Like most scrambles and probably most crapples, this is pretty simple. In a large-ish pot, sautee the onion, green bell pepper, and chilis in oil, over medium heat. When the onions and bell pepper begin to soften, add in the tempeh and cook for 5 – 10 minutes, until the tempeh starts to brown a little bit. Crumble in the tofu, mashing up the remaining large bits with a spatula. Do it with gusto. But without alacrity. Once everything is mixed well, add the spices and nu yeast, in order. Finish off with some fresh ground salt and pepper.

Garnish with sliced avocado and salsa.

It will look like this in a pot, if you make this correctly and your pot looks exactly like ours: